you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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