there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
