Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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