The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
