not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
