so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
