1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
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