I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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