And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
