Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
