# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
