So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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