So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
When are your genitals available?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize