i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
