Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
