I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
