is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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