Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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