What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
