This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
