Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Found your dick twin last night
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
