I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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