Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
