She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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