She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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