im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
