You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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