I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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