I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
