I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Randomize
