He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
