you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Ladies don't puke and tell
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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