Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
