thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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