happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
