she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
