Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
