whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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