We won't sleep together?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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