I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize