What a fucking waste of an outfit
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
