Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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