dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
