I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
