i permit you to call me
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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