I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
