he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
