I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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