dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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