I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I'm always down for nudity.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
