I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
