just tell him i said nine months
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
