Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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