Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
