Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
