I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
