god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I need to align my fucking chakras
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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