You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
