Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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