Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
