It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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