nut hugger
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
