i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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