ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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