Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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