Is it normal to miss your booty call?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
