my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
