Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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