at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
