Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
