I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
