I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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