i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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