my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
