Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
