he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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