saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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