Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
