They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize