So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
