I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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