so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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