i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Your penis caused this!
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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