dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
