THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
