look no pants
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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