So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
