1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
