just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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