she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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