all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
