I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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