Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
