...so i touched it.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
