I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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