I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
