i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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