Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
