You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
