We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
