I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
