if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
