Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize