Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
