If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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