I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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