Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
