I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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