i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i wish my penis had a tongue
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
