Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
