I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
